Swear fines a nonsense with invective so ineffective

We’re sorry, this feature is currently unavailable. We’re working to restore it. Please try again later.

Advertisement

This was published 12 years ago

Swear fines a nonsense with invective so ineffective

Cursing has become commonplace. We need something new.

By Keith Dunstan

OH DEAR. It is disturbing that from July 1 the police will have the power to issue on-the-spot fines for swearing or offensive language - $238.90.

Very odd figure that, not rounded to 200 or 250. It sounds like a bill from Coles.

"Obviously, Ted is using obscenity as a money raiser like the radar speed fine."

"Obviously, Ted is using obscenity as a money raiser like the radar speed fine."Credit: Michael Whitehead

I thought all this nonsense was over and done with on June 8, 1979. That was the day the editor of The Age, Michael Davie, made history. It was an act of extraordinary courage. He used the f-word in a news story. It was the first time anyone had done this in a daily newspaper in Australia. Indeed, I suspect it had not been done anywhere else in the English-speaking world.

He did it because he believed it was essential to the news story. The first paragraph of the story read: ''A magistrate found yesterday that a Skyhooks song with the refrain 'Why don't you all get fucked?' was not obscene.''

On the same day Davie received a visit from members of the vice squad, who said the police had received complaints from the public and The Age was liable for prosecution under Section 172 of the Police Offence Act. The sergeant said other newspapers used dots instead of the offensive word. Davie said he had noticed their delicacy but this robbed the report of meaning.

I was agog with admiration for Mr Davie. I was writing a daily column for the Sun News-Pictorial and I had been through a very hard time. I could remember when a brothel had to be a ''house of ill fame'', when a prostitute was a ''woman of ill repute''. Many times I had wanted to drop in a ''bloody''. Never; the boss, Sir John Williams, would have had me crucified.

But now, don't you see, the word is everywhere. At the movies I have counted up to 30 f-words in 15 minutes. Ladies in the 1970s were careful about using such a word. But you ought to hear them at our local tennis court. Every time they serve a double fault or hit the ball into the net, magnificent epithets almost reach the clubhouse.

Back in the days of Nod, I used to be friendly with that great ballet master Edouard Borovanksy. He thought the way we swore in Australia was pitiful. He said: ''In Czech we have at least 120 magnificent swear words really dirty swear words. Here - poof! - you have nothing new to say. It is all over in 30 seconds.''

Actually, he was exaggerating. You would be lucky to make 30 seconds. I can find only four or five disgusting words and if you think about it, they are hardly disgusting at all. They describe things that have been going on with man and woman for a very long time.

Advertisement

I have looked them all up in ancient dictionaries.

Bailey's Universal Etymological Dictionary of 1724 said fuck is derived from the Dutch, meaning to plant, to thrust, to knock. John Ash's Complete Dictionary of the English Language of 1775 doesn't muck around. Mr Ash says: ''A low and vulgar word. To perform the act of generation. To have do with a woman.''

Another word, the c-word - which makes vice squad men blush purple - also is in Mr Ash's dictionary of 1775. ''Low and vulgar word,'' he says, ''female pudendum.'' Pudendum is not a bad idea. You might try shouting that in Spring Street to avoid the $238.90 fine.

The real trouble is this. Swearing is a victim of galloping inflation. Swearing is so rife in the community it has become like the currency in Zimbabwe, absolutely worthless. The Baillieu government can't be serious.

There is something deeper in this. Obviously, Ted is using obscenity as a money raiser like the radar speed fine. At $238.90 for every f-, c- or s-word, they will raise a possible $50 billion a year and get Victoria out of the red for all time. Imagine how much money they would raise at a Collingwood-Geelong match.

Wait a minute, we need help. The old swear words don't disturb even the local kindergarten. What do you do when you hit your thumb with a hammer? What do you say when you serve three double faults in a row? What do you howl when the electricity bill arrives?

We need new words, words that are much more vile and horrible than those we use now. Ted is good at inquiries. Let's have another, an Etymological Inquiry into the Acquisition of Suitably Vulgar Epithets. I would suggest a committee under the chairmanship of a retired politician with an outstanding gift for vulgar words.

The name of Paul Keating comes to mind. He'd solve the problem in a bloody jiffy.

Keith Dunstan is a Melbourne journalist and author.

Most Viewed in Politics

Loading